How Well Do We Listen

A man told his friend, “I’m worried. My wife talks to herself a lot. How about yours ?” His friend replied, “Yep, but she doesn’t know it. She thinks I am listening.” That is really not that funny !

Good listening skills aren’t only critical in marriage, they are essential in all our relationships. Some experts say it is impossible for a single worthwhile thought to enter ones mind while we are talking. You may have seen the poster that reads :

I know you believe you understand what you think I said. But I am not sure that what you hear is what I meant.

Relationship expert Gary Chapman says, “Sometimes we mean what we say, and we become upset if people do not take our words literally. But sometimes, we do not mean them literally, and do not understand why people cannot read our minds. Because each of us has unique thought processes, vocabulary and patterns of expression, we cannot assume that what we hear is really what is in (another person’s) mind.”

Miscommunication wreaks havoc in (all) relationships and causes untold pain. That is why it is important to clarify what you think you heard through reflective listening. Phrases like, “Are you saying…?” Or, “What I am hearing you say is…” Or, “Let me make sure I understand you,” help to avoid conflict.

Real listening involves more than just keeping you mouth shut (though for some of us that would be a good starting place!). It is paying attention; it is making sure you hear what is really being said – or not said !

“It is stupid… to… answer before you listen.”
Proverbs 18:13