I need help with Me

The world tells us that we can only be a certain, specific way if we want to be validated, but the world lies. The world has a floating finish line that we can never reach because it keeps changing, & if we are not saved, usually by rather radically odd & uncooperative people, we can lose our lives in pursuit of winning.

I know that we are in difficult times, but the world is rich in peace & mercy & beauty. I know that there is one who has all power, & it is not me, or Barack Obama. I know that every time I call out for help, the phone rings, or the mail comes, or I get that noodgey Holy Spirit feeling inside, & enough of an answer to take the next right step. I know that I need to let go, or I am going to get dragged. Letting go is definitely NOT my strong suit. Neither is forgiveness. In fact, they are the two things I am worst at. Why couldn’t God’s answer be; “Why don’t you obsess endlessly about this? Then try to control this situation into a fare-thee-well, & be sure not to breathe at all, & try to manipulate everyone into doing things your way; & then stomp away & brood for a while, & then eat a big bag of Hershey’s Kisses?”

I think it is what God meant by the Good News; that we are loved, & not all crazy at the same time. Some mornings I wake up & I instantly feel discouraged by the world & my government & by my own worried mind. It is like my brain has already been up for a while, sitting on the bed waiting for me to get up. It has already had coffee, & has some serious concerns about how far behind we are already.

So, I always pray, first thing upon awakening, very simple prayers like the one my sister Lynne prayed years ago when her head was caught in the slats of a chair: “I need help with me,” she whispered.